she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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