She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
