i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
