so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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