Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
