1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i don't like sucking hair
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
