Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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