I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize