I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
