I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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