and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize