after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
