Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
