I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
