I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
