Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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