dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
