Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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