A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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