before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
