I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
