I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
