I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
