dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize