what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
