I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
