i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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