That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
