my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
