So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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