Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
