Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
