oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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