I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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