Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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