I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
