You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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