At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Success! We fucked roommates!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
