never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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