I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
