omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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