I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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