You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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