I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
