If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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