Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
