Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
