Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
