Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
