How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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