i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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