he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
