dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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