Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
