Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
