I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
