I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
