Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
