I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
