Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
