Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
