Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it glows. i had to have it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize