how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
