I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
