Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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