I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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