So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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