I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
