You're my little dorito
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
